Cats like people have different personalities, backgrounds and energy. Some cats love to be held and cuddled and others are aloof and distant.
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First of all, let it be said that it is not possible to convert every single cat into an affectionate lap cat. For example, to take a formerly feral cat and convert her into a loving feline. Experiments in England have shown that if cats are raised without human company for the first 7 weeks of their lives, may never be fully accepting of people. The best you might expect from a cat with this kind of history is fleeting visits. Any form of human contact during these visits may represent a real breakthrough.
Another reason why some cats do not take well to the job of being lap cats has to do with individual personalities. Some cats like people are by nature more independent and aloof than others; whereas some are just plain fearful or shy. Such personality traits can manifest in your cat hiding or being reclusive.
If your kitty is not naturally affectionate, there are some things you can do to bond with your cat or to make interactions between the two of you more positive. Your cat may never become the constant companion by your side, but you should be able to both give and get some affection from your cat eventually.
First thing, make sure your cat has all the basic needs for being content and healthy. If your feline is not comfortable and happy creating a strong bond with your cat will not be possible.
One way to encourage affection from your cat is to make sure that she has all that she needs to be healthy, happy and comfortable. Keep the litter box clean, and make sure that your cat always has access to fresh water.
Feed your cat a high quality food full of nutrients, supplement with a multivitamin, fish oils and a probiotic. Keep your cat’s favorite cat treats on hand. Provide your cat with a variety of toys to play with and keep them busy.
Your cat may choose to curl up and sleep in various places in your home but buy a cat bed or have comfortable blankets for your cat to sleep on. Blankets or bedding that have your scent on them is beneficial as your cat will associate you with a safe area to rest and relax. Applying a drop of lavender oil on your cat’s bed or blanket will enhance your cat’s feeling of calm. Diffusing essential oils in your home that promote a calm environment for both you and your cat will strengthen the bond. Everything is always better in a calm environment.
Provide a cat tower/scratching post will provide a place for your cat to climb, scratch and have fun.
Each morning go out of your way to say good morning to your cat. If your cat is no where to be found the sound of their food bag or bowl moving or the smell of their food should entice them out into the open. While your cat is eating gently pet your cat. Your cat already associates you with being fed and by stroking her gently and speaking softly to your cat during the experience will help your cat to be more comfortable with your touch.
When you come home from work, be sure to show your cat some attention. Cats, as all animals, are creatures of habit. When your cat gets used to being close to you and being touched by you, she may learn to like it and return the affection.
If your cat does not like being held then try playing with her instead.
Roll a ball around the floor and sit there while she bats it around. Dangle a wand toy for her to tug on. If she seems comfortable with you while you’re sitting on the floor, place her in your lap while you move the toy. It may not be as good as being able to hug her and cuddle her, but it will be a form of physical bonding that could progress into the cuddling that you’d like.
Give your cat treats when your cat comes out of hiding and near you, reward her with a treat or two. She’ll begin to associate you with positive feelings, and may even begin to seek you out so that she can get treats.